group

Well, I sit here and ponder continuing to post my story -- and the events that unfolded last night at sexual abuse group. Its really all kinds of things that make me wonder about all kinds of things. Sometimes i wonder why I'm even bothering to uncover and unwrap that deep darkness that is my past. Its not a good past - its riddled full of pain and heart ache and sadness. Its amazes me when a good memory pops into my head about my past. I wonder if I should have more counseling than what I am doing? Questions? LOL! If you don't laugh about it - you'll just cry a huge river that could quite possibly never end...

Being abused as a child seems so normal now. Its all I really knew. I don't know what it might of been without the abuse of being yelled at continually, touched and fondled, beaten, stood in corners for hours on end, told how dumb and stupid I was - that I would amount to nothing... the list was endless. Not being told that we were loved... these are all things that I can not even imagine are possible as I look into the faces of my children. Now don't get me wrong...I've spanked my children, yelled at my children...but have always come to the realization that I am not the people that raised me, or the parent that gave me away - I am my own person. I'm come back from the brink of insanity and decided that spanking my children is not necessary to get "respect" or feel like I need to have control over them. They are each unique in their own way. And they each deserve my respect, guidance, LOVE and anything else that I can give them.

Ok, I feel like Bill Engvall now - random thought - lol - when I was little I can remember sitting for hours at Linda's feet - rubbing her feet and legs because she had a rough day...and this wasn't once - this was quite often. I sometimes think after a long day -- and my feet and legs hurt from standing and walking around the clothing store I work at every other weekend - would you (meaning me) ever consider asking anyone of my children to rub my legs and feet? Um, nope! They are not little slaves of pleasure! They are not massage therapists! They are my children and they each deserve my respect. You give me respect - and I give you that respect back in turn.

Well, I suppose that's enough rambling for now. I'm sure I will be back later with other random thoughts or another chapter in my book.

Looking back...

It is hard to believe that its been almost a year since I last posted on this blog. So many things have happened and changed in my life - our lives. It seems like only yesterday that I read a friend's blog and decided that I wanted to give blogging a try. And of course - like most everything else I try - it fell away from me...time. There are never enough hours in the day and days in the week. But I will continue to try and get some of that time back...with this blog and changes in our lives. GOD is so good and HE knows what we need - even when we do not. Thank you LORD for the obstacles, the paths that you've led me down and the renewed love I have for YOU and all the things that YOU are.

Whatever your story, however you managed to survive, whatever has been done to you, he has delivered, he will deliver, and continue to deliver. It referenced 2 Corinthians 1:10

This is something I borrowed from a friend's page and obviously from the Bible. It says so much is so few words. It says that no matter what I've been through that GOD will deliver - and he has - even when it feels like it will never end - GOD will deliver!